Accidental return
by LNicol1990
Summary: A trick and a trap land Alice in a spot of trouble in Underland. She'll need all of her muchness to overcome this, but will she have her friends to help her? On hiatus.


Author's note: I have watched Tim Burton's Alice twice -yes, I love it that much! I watched it second time in 3D, which was so much better. I am planning this as a multi-chapter story, but only if people want me to. I hope everyone enjoys!

Disclaimer: Need I say that the universe isn't mine? Only the idea. I promise to put everything back where I found them when I'm done.

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Somewhere on the sea, near Plymouth dock

Alice raised the teacup to her lips. She let the Earl Grey pool slightly in her mouth, making her tongue tingle at the taste, before swallowing. She could feel the hot liquid running down her throat, warming her from the inside out.

She was looking forward to making port. While expanding her father's company had its perks, such as the travelling to new and exciting places and meeting interesting people with foreign customs, she had found the time taken to travel by ship quite dull.

Indeed, there were contracts to mull over and improve, but one could only look at such before the writing turned into incomprehensible and random scribbles. There were books in which she could indulge herself, had she the notion to read. But, she always found herself regarding the imaginings of such writers with a jaded mind, even if what they had written was considered a marvel by others.

After all, what land could possibly be as exciting and as wondrous as the one she alone knew about? Wonderland… or Underland as Absolem had corrected her, was waiting for her return. She had promised them, and she wasn't one to break her promises.

This was probably one of the reasons why she was looking forward to port. She and Lord Ascot were finally returning to England, after being in China for three years, establishing trading posts and drawing up contracts with businesses.

"A penny for your thoughts, my dear?" Lord Ascot queried politely, a bemused smile on his lips.

"I was just thinking of home," Alice replied. "It will be good to see my family again."

"Ah yes…" Lord Ascot murmured. "Home. I do believe that your mother will be overjoyed to see you."

Alice smiled indulgently before taking another sip of tea.

They were in Lord Ascot's cabin study, him in his desk chair behind his desk and her in a comfortable armchair on the other side. They were sharing a teapot, along with an accompaniment of scones, complete with butter and jam.

Alice looked down at the desk, which had the tray of scones, butter, jam, milk and sugar, and thought hard. Everything before her had the makings of a grand tea party. All that was needed was a slightly deranged, rabid and item throwing hare, a sword-needle carrying, swashbuckling dormouse and a hatter who had fallen prey to dangers of his trade: mercury poisoning.

If those three were present, then a tea party would have definitely ensued. But alas, they were waiting for her, down a rabbit hole, in Underland.

"What are you thinking of now, Alice?" Lord Ascot asked.

Alice looked up and smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed that she had been caught staring intently at a tea tray upon a writing desk. But, Lord Ascot was accustomed to her strange musings and abstract wonderings. He'd probably experienced enough of such when he worked with her father.

"I was contemplating a riddle, given to me by a dear friend some years ago," she answered.

"A riddle? And you haven't worked it out in three years?" Lord Ascot's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"No," Alice shook her head slightly. "My friend asked me 'why is a raven like a writing desk'?"

"Your friend sounds quite mad, if I may say," Lord Ascot chuckled good-naturedly.

"He is, Lord Ascot," Alice replied, chuckling as well. "As mad as a hatter, some might say."

The business partners laughed quietly. Alice was quite certain that Lord Ascot found Tarrant Hightopp, or more commonly known as the Mad Hatter, or just Hatter to his friends, a strange fellow whose peculiar personality probably mirrored Alice's in some complementary way. Alice just so happened to be thinking along the same lines, as well as working out when she was going to arrange another visit to him.

Or… perhaps the question was more 'how' then 'when'.

Lord Ascot opened his mouth, obviously intending to ask her something; perhaps he sought more information about Hatter, like his profession, or something else to that regard. Whatever the question was, he did not have a chance to ask it, as at that moment there was a knock on the door.

"'Scuse me, sir," a midshipman called out from behind the door. "But we're about to enter port."

"Thank you, William," Lord Ascot called to the man. "We'll be there momentarily."

Alice drained her teacup before returning it to its saucer, which she held in her other hand. She laid the cup and saucer on the tray before standing up and turning to the door. Lord Ascot was waiting patiently for her and opened the door for her as she approached, letting her walk through before him.

On deck, Alice half-ran to the rails, for while she didn't care much for whether such an action was ladylike, the deck itself was wet from sea spray and that made it slippery. If one wasn't careful, as she had once had the misfortune to find out, one could easily find oneself with their back on the floor and their feet in the air, showing off one's drawers to all and sundry.

The sea breeze caressed her skin and sent wisps of her hair twirling gracefully around her face. As she breathed in, she could smell the usual scents of salt and water and fish. But below the usual, she could detect a hint of smoke from the industrial factories, and the general smells of the earth that were associated with dry land.

Sure enough, as she looked around, she could see buildings towering above her, cramped together as they seemingly fought for the best view of the port and sea. The port itself was busy from the everyday hustle and bustle, with the comings and goings of local fishermen, who would periodically return with the boats full to bursting with freshly caught fish, crustaceans and other manner of sea life that Alice did not know the names of.

And then she saw them, waving to her from the dockside, her family. Smiles were a plentiful and relief was abundant. She smiled to them in return, but somehow it felt forced. She knew she had reason to smile and be happy to be back in England, but she couldn't help but feel that her smiles were meant for someone else.

As she walked off the gangplank, she walked straight into the open, warms arms of her mother. She returned the embrace without hesitation before stepping back to look at her mother. The smile on her mother's face seemed genuine, which was more than Alice could say for her own.

"You're home, Alice," Helen announced happily.

"I'm back," Alice replied.

**Somewhere in the Outlands**

_Clunk-chink! Clunk-chink! Clunk-chink!_

Stayne sighed as he let the rock fall from his hand. He'd lost track of how long he'd been hammering at the damn chain that kept him latched to the former Red Queen, Icarebeth of Crims.

The insufferable woman hadn't yet let up on his failed attempt at killing her. He'd apologised to her, if only to appease her. He'd assured her that he had had a momentary lapse of sanity, and that he hadn't truly wished any harm. He wasn't sure if he was lying about that, but it was all he could think of to appease her temperament, which reminded him of a toddler's.

Reluctantly, he picked the rock up again and struck the chain. _Clunk-chink!_ Still nothing...

Wasn't the definition of insanity repeating the same actions and expecting different results? If so, then he was probably madder than Tarrant Hightopp, and that was saying something. Why hadn't that damned hatter just finished him off on the Frabjous Day? It would have been so much better for him being dead, wouldn't it?

_Clunk-chink! Clunk-chink! Clunk-clatter-clatter!_

Stayne looked at the chain. He couldn't believe it. It... it was... his efforts had finally paid off! Icarebeth had also noticed the difference, and she looked just about as relieved as he was. Of course she looked at him with something akin to worry, her lower lip quivering.

"Now what are you going to do Stayne?" she asked, her eyes glittering with tears.

"Now..." Stayne drew the word out as he finally stood to his full height and stretched, his spine clicking in places that he didn't know could click. "Now, I'm going to help you get back the throne."

"Really?!" Icarebeth asked excitedly. "How are you going to do that?"

"I, my dear queen, have a plan..."

**Underland's tea party clearing near the Mill**

Mallymkun and Thackery were giggling incessantly around the tea table, throwing scones, sugar cubes and crockery everywhere, but mainly at each other. Riddles and nonsensical jabbering were abundant.

Every so often, they would look up to the still figure in the grand armchair at the end of table. Tarrant was being unusually subdued at this point of time, not that Time was overly concerned with pointing anywhere near them.

Tarrant's eyes would sometimes lift from the teacup that he was considering drinking from, looking hopefully at the pathway that came from the Door to the Aboveworld. He was waiting for Alice to come down the path, more often than not with Chessur in tow... or was it the other way round, with Chessur coming down the path with Alice in tow?

It had been some time since she had last come down the rabbit hole and wondered Underland in her bodily form. But, as everyone had been delighted to realise, Alice still visited often.

As she slept in the Aboveworld, Alice would appear in Underland. She was often as solid as mist, like Chessur usually was. She would wonder down the path, join them for a spot of tea before fading away as she woke up. Sometimes she didn't show up, instead visiting the White Queen, Mirana.

Tarrant had originally found this new way of visiting quite distressful, often falling into a fit of rage after she had faded away, rarely giving him an opportunity to say goodbye. But she always promised that she'd be back before he knew it, and that she'd soon be back in the flesh.

Mirana had theorised that it was the jabberwocky blood that allowed Alice to visit this place in her dreams. Underland's champion had wanted to return to her own world, so she could finish things off, but she hadn't wanted to leave Underland, not completely. So, as a loophole, Alice was allowed to return to them every night as she dreamt.

It was now Dream-Alice who Tarrant was waiting for, and he was beginning to lose his patience.

"She's late," Tarrant noted sourly, his accent thickening.

He knew his eyes were darkening, but he didn't care. He always knew when he was about to fly off his handle and throw a raging fit. Usually he couldn't stop himself, stuck with nothing but to hope that there was someone around to snap him out of his temper, usually it was Mallymkun or Alice, whenever she was around.

"Perhaps she went to see the White Queen?" Mally offered.

Tarrant didn't reply, instead looking back down to his cup. His frustration was still there, just below the surface, just waiting for one small thing to upset his internal scales, just waiting to blow into a tantrum that would have put any of the Red Queen's to shame.

She was terribly, terribly late.

**Lord Ascot's estate, Torpoint**

Alice was struggling to stay awake. She raised her hand to stifle yet another yawn. She had lost count of how many times she had yawned in the past hour. She was more than aware of how improper it was to yawn during a party, her coming-home party none the less.

It was so dreadful that she hadn't managed to get any sleep, with China being seven or so hours forward from England. While the journey to England from China was three months long, she was still in sync with China's time and, therefore, had been awake for almost twenty four hours, and it was starting to take its toll.

It suddenly occurred to her that her twentieth year, which was when she had first left for China, had been seven hours shorter than all her other years, and her twenty-third year would be seven hours longer.

She knew Hatter would be delighted at such a thought, and would probably enjoy mulling it over for ages, taking it to extremes that only he could take it. She had to remember that little titbit for when she next entered Underland.

Everyone was probably waiting for her. She hadn't slept for almost an entire day, and was therefore terribly late for her visit to Hatter's tea party, or her meeting with Queen Mirana, whichever.

She hoped that they weren't going to be angry with her. Surely they would understand when she told them that she'd finally travelled back to England, and they'd be overjoyed that she was so close to Underland once again.

She yawned again. She found this party as dull as the engagement party that had been sprung upon her three years ago. Oh, how she wished to look around and see Nivens McTwisp. Maybe he would be holding up his pocket watch and tapping it, as if to remind her that she was late for returning to Underland.

She smiled slightly at the thought, and scanned the area. She knew it was a futile effort, the white rabbit wouldn't just appear simply because she wished him to. He wouldn't be at Lord Ascot's estate... he wouldn't be.

Her eyes fell on a flash of white that disappeared into the maze.

She shot up in her chair, almost jumping out of it in shock. She hadn't just... she couldn't have... and yet she was more than willing to believe.

She shot a glance around at everyone else in the party. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, and she doubted that they would miss her, at least for a little while. She gathered up her dress and slipped away as quietly as she could. She was glad to see that no one noticed her departure.

McTwisp was certainly being speedy in his return to the tree and the rabbit hole. Of course, she knew how disturbingly different her world was to him, and he probably didn't want to be about for longer than necessary. Even so, she was struggling to keep up.

Soon enough, however, she was back at the tree. She sat on the edge and slipped down. The last two times she had travelled to Underland, she had fallen head first down the rabbit hole, and she had no intention of continuing the pattern.

After falling for what seemed like forever, she finally broke through the floor of the hall and landed on the ceiling. She laid on her back and stuck her legs towards the floor, and was feeling slightly proud of herself when she landed on her feet. She approached the curtain and pulled it back to reveal the Door to Underland. She then turned to the glass table.

She picked up the key and the pishsolver, holding one in each hand. Learning from last time, she had no desire to go through the whole confusing shrinking and growing process again. With the key firmly in one hand, she drank the pishsolver and resisted the urge to gag. She watched the table grow in size as she shrank and disappeared into her dress.

She pulled out her hankie, which she had put in her pocket mere moments before leaving for the party. Perhaps she had known that she would be needing it for a makeshift dress. Regardless, she wrapped the cloth around herself and tied two of the corners around the back of her neck.

She looked down find the box that held a small piece of Upelkuchen. She held the Upelkuchen in her empty hand, and wrapped as much of her dress as she could about herself. She then dragged her dress to the door, and unlocked it. She passed through the door and hauled her dress through after her.

She nibbled the cake and returned to her right size... well, her dress may have been a little on the big size, but she wasn't going to fuss over it. She knew that if she tried to eat a little more Upelkuchen, she'd probably eat too much and would end up shooting upwards and would rip her dress apart.

Now, that would be utterly humiliating. It had been bad enough when she'd done that in Red Castle, in front of Icarebeth and her court.

She looked around, wondering where McTwisp had gotten to. She had been expecting her friends to be nearby, eagerly welcoming her back, but she saw no one. Perhaps they were all waiting for her in Hatter's tea party clearing, or maybe the White Castle.

"McTwisp?" She called uncertainly.

The white rabbit poked his head up, looking slightly frightened. She instantly felt guilty for startling the poor fellow, though she was sure she hadn't spoken too loudly or harshly at all. She approached him slowly, not wanting to upset him any further than she already had.

When she stood a few feet away from him, she stopped. He was looking at her sadly, almost... apologetically. She couldn't understand why he was looking at her in such a way, and it worried her.

"McTwisp? What's wrong?" she asked concernedly.

"I'm sorry, Alice," he replied.

Frowning, Alice tried to understand what he'd done to make him apologise to her, but her thoughts were blank of ideas.

She heard a snapping of twigs behind her, and she whirled around. She was shocked that someone had snuck up on her, and she found herself staring at a muscular chest that was covered in dark leather. She looked up and saw the scarred face of Ilosovic Stayne staring angrily down at her.


End file.
